Finding “the one” through dating apps was difficult before the pandemic, but now it’s nearly impossible without the chance to take it to the next level by meeting in person. We’ve covered dating while socially distancing before – experts say loneliness is a pandemic in itself, and getting creative is the best way for singles to stay positive about dating life. So, how do we elevate swiping right and take Zoom dates to the next level?
This pleasure and empowerment expert has the answer.
About a month ago, Julia Wells, founder of an eponymous pleasure and entrepreneurship coaching business and creator of “Wait… WTF Podcast,” decided to schedule 30 dates in 30 days as a way to not only get in touch with others but also with herself. She says she’s been exploring what she wants out of a partnership for some time now and realized, “One of the best ways to get results is to get uncomfortable.”
“I knew that if I kept thinking from my old perspective of, ‘dating has to be so hard,’ that I wasn’t really setting myself [up] to have fun doing it,” says Wells, who is based in Oakland, California. “The intention over the 30 days is to bust the myths in my head about who I would always swipe right on.”
One day, after venting about her dating life to one of the coaches she works with, Wells says she was encouraged to try something new: Go on as many dates as you can with zero expectations.
Wells took up the challenge and even transformed it into her own by posting a sign-up sheet on her website and passing it along to friends, family and colleagues who might know eligible singles. She began this journey in mid-January and plans to end on Valentine’s Day, but says she is open to accepting dates after the deadline.
Her dates are all Zoom meetups, but Wells encourages those who are interested to get creative with it. One of her dates, a sound engineer, created a soundscape featuring ambient cafe noise and later the sound of waves softly crashing on a beach so they could imagine they were on a real date instead of sitting at their computers.
By having 30 dates in 30 days, Wells stresses that she’s less focused on finding “the one.” Rather, she’s more focused on getting to know what she likes and dislikes, and undoing some conditioning she has noticed in herself. She notes finding her soulmate along the way wouldn’t be so bad, either.
She explains her conditioning as the way she internalizes the belief that “men are not capable of holding or handling me, like they’re going to react negatively if I set a boundary.” Wells says this way of thinking made her feel like she had to act a certain way to receive love, which has been holding her back. Via this month of speed dating, Wells says she’s going to practice treating every one of her dates like they can handle her, and letting them show her if they actually can or not.
“That’s been a game-changer,” she says. “It took the pressure off of me to be the perfect, ideal woman that everybody wants.”
Check out more information about 30 dates in 30 days here, and schedule a date if you’re game. Learn more about Wells at www.juliacwells.com and follow @juliamotherfuckingwells on Instagram for the latest.
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