Finding Yourself: A Queer Playlist Years In The Making

Growing up, I wasn’t ready to acknowledge that I was a part of the LGBTQ+ community. But regardless of how hard I tried to avoid the pink elephant in the room, that elephant was a musician, and an amazing one at that.

From my early teens up to the point before I came out, I was listening to music that was either queer-made, queer-beloved or directly referencing queer life. All while pretending I wasn’t.

But now that the closet door has been taken off the hinges and that pink elephant has become a friend rather than a nuisance, these songs hit me in a way that’s so much more affirming and validating.

So, from my ears to yours, here is my playlist of queer songs and queer artists that helped me find myself.

“Adam & Steve” – Dorian Electra
Aside from being a great song to scream and head bang along with, this Electra track is instrumental in displaying queer intimacy that isn’t cis-normative. It really opened my eyes to how I couldn’t understand my sexuality until I understood my gender identity.

“Choke” – Poppy
Poppy’s second album “Am I A Girl?” put into words the gender-based introspection I faced. But with “Choke,” Poppy was able to voice my anxiety with being gender-questioning in a cisgender world.

“Comme Des Garcons (Like The Boys)” – Rina Sawayama
Despite the fact I’ve always been called a “dainty priss,” I was once one of the boys. To a degree, I still am. But now when I hang out with my guy friends, I feel like I’m infiltrating a secret club. Tell me your male secrets, bro.

“I Know You All Over Again” – Trixie Mattel
What I love about Trixie is how she’s such a shock comic, but then puts out a tearful, gay love song like this. It’s the perfect song for queer folks like me whose love life was like a soap opera.

“Primadonna” – MARINA (Formerly Marina & The Diamonds)
Finally letting myself listen to MARINA was my reality check to finally come out. During quarantine summer, I was listening to “Primadonna” all the time and one day acknowledged that I was 21 years old and doing mirror karaoke to a song that I refused to like at 13 because of what people would say. It took eight years for me to finally have fun and be girly.

“Can I” – Kehlani ft. Tory Lanez
Kehlani is another amazing artist that I fell for during quarantine 2020. But what’s amazing about K is that they were figuring out their queer identity while I was. I’ll never forget the Instagram livestream where they just unapologetically said, “I’m a lesbian.” Their victory felt like my victory.

“Ponyboy” – SOPHIE
Talking about the late producer SOPHIE is hard when you acknowledge how impactful she was in such a short time period. She is my trans idol and beloved by so many members of D.C.’s LGBTQ+ community. Just ask the wonderful DJ Lemz of BENT.

“Psychopath” – St. Vincent
I initially bonded to St. Vincent’s music because of how it embraced an aloof nuance to indie music. But when I learned that St. V was queer, it was a wake-up call: many of my favorite artists were queer people and that their words resonated with me for a clear reason.

“Deadweight” – PVRIS
PVRIS is that one band from my teens that still holds up today. I remember attending Warped Tour the summer before senior year and seeing all my classmates flock to the stage where PVRIS were playing. They were new. They reconciled electro-pop with post-hardcore. And their singer, Lynn, was the first positive queer icon I had in emo music.

“Bawdy” – Shygirl
Shygirl is a great gateway into the world of experimental queer music. Taking influence from rap, house and micro-niche variants of techno, tracks like “Bawdy” will revolutionize how you see music and expose you to a whole new world. It’s also reason enough to check out Shygirl’s constant collaborators in the NUXXE collective: Sega Bodega, Coucou Chloe and Oklou.

“CARTOON NETWORK” – Black Dresses
Although Black Dresses is no longer active, both Ada Rook and Devi McCallion are two of the most dynamic trans-femmes to make their names in music and are still producing projects as solo artists. Subverting childhood nostalgia with narratives on identity frustration, “CARTOON NETWORK” is an early Black Dresses favorite for many fans.

“100 Bad (Charli XCX Remix)” – Tommy Genesis
Sex positivity is a force for good in the LGBTQ+ community. For Tommy Genesis, advocating for self-confidence and calling out regressive sexual dynamics is a must in music. And with LGBTQ+ fave Charli XCX hopping on for this amazing remix, “100 Bad” is definitely the bad bitch song of this playlist.

“I Think I Hate It Here” – Boyish
Colloquially regarded as the “shoe-gays” by people who make cheesy jokes (myself), Boyish is a queer dream pop duo that speaks my language: anxiety. Featuring a discography that explores the depths of being queer and stressed out, Boyish is the band I listen to when I need to be affirmed in my distress.

“Salvador Dali” – Royal & The Serpent
This song is too much of a vibe to not include. Staying in bed, drinking bad coffee, talking about artists from before our time while listening to slow jamz. It’s like all the 2013 Sky Ferreira Tumblr pages were shoved into one song. Royal has totally captured the aesthetic of my era: 2010’s queer internet youth.

“Ana” – Mon Laferte
Mon Laferte is one of the amazing artists on this list that checks off every box. She plays an alt-rock variant of bolero that feels akin to my South American heritage. She’s a badass who protests for human rights. And she made “Ana,” a song that beautifully portrays desire and longing in a queer context.

“Ignore Me” – Betty Who
This one goes out to Britt and Liz from the DC Fray team. Betty Who is an office favorite and having danceable, queer-positive songs like “Ignore Me” in rotation really helps to make our home base a fun space as well as an accepting one.

“Roll The Dice” – Sunflower Bean
Aside from being such a dynamic song to thrash to, I fell in love with this track after interviewing Sunflower Bean and hearing this wonderful trio explain the song’s concern for youth in distress, their critique on late-stage capitalism and the band’s devotion to equality throughout gender, race, sexuality and class.

“KLK” – Arca feat. Rosalia
To me, Arca’s meteoric rise to critical acclaim remains second to how she transcended genres and gender boundaries with such determination and strength. When I hear this song and think to myself that a fellow South American and trans femme made it to the playlists of music tastemakers, I feel like no one can stop me.

“Shedontknowbutsheknows” – Tove Lo
She’s dark and cynical yet puts out tracks with such bounce. Tove Lo is the bisexual icon that helped get a non-dancer like myself out on the floor. For so long, I avoided dancing because I always felt that I didn’t have the body for it, but Lo tracks such as this one were instrumental in me coming out of my shell (and closet).

“High Speed Chase” – Chase Icon
Zoom forward with this powerful track from a rising trans pop star. Definitely pulling from a number of diverse dance elements and embracing the glammed-up hyper-femininity of the early 2000s, this last track doesn’t close a chapter. It drives you to start another. 

Music has always answered questions that I’ve been too scared to even ask. And hopefully, this playlist of queer hits does the same for you.

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Mela Rodrigues-Oliveira