D.C. Couple Kelly Towles + Virginia Arrisueño Talk Entrepreneurship, Parenthood + Equal Partnership

“I am humbled and honored to wake up every day and say, ‘I get to live this life.’”

Kelly Towles and his wife Virginia Arrisueño are sitting together at their massive wooden kitchen table, the anchor of their charming brownstone’s lower level. He speaks with conviction, one hand petting their Siberian Husky pup Sinchi and the other gesticulating with the enthusiasm of someone who has no trouble expressing themselves across different mediums.

“It can be hard to wake up and be positive and go forward, but I am very, very content with my life. I have a beautiful wife. I have an amazing son. I have an okay dog.”

Sinchi’s unfazed, patiently waiting for more pets, and Arrisueño giggles at her husband’s faux slight.

Towles, an artist known for his iconic pop art and graffiti-inspired murals around the District, is the mastermind behind D.C. Walls (formerly the Pow! Wow! DC mural festival). He’s built a sterling reputation for himself locally, not only for championing up-and-coming muralists but also as a staple of D.C.’s creative scene. As the city has shifted into a thriving creative hub and upped its hip factor, Towles has been here to see it happen and help propel its forward momentum.

Arrisueño is every bit the entrepreneur her husband is, transitioning from owning knitwear line De*Nada to opening brick and mortar Steadfast Supply in 2016. The Navy Yard boutique is one of the city’s most popular locations for supporting local makers and a D.C. go-to for unique gifts and home goods.

“To look at what I have lined up this year and what she’s working on — I’m just excited,” Towles adds, noting their robust business plans for the upcoming year. “I’m very, very stoked.”

Towles’ statements feel like the inverse of David Byrne’s famous verse:

“And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife / And you may ask yourself, ‘Well, how did I get here?’”

Unlike the “Once in a Lifetime” lyrics, Towles knows exactly how he and Arrisueño got here. They worked their asses off, and every bit of their happiness is the direct result of what they’ve built at home and in business for two decades.

SETTING THE SCENE

It’s a cold Sunday in late January, the only day of the week Towles and Arrisueño unplug from their careers to enjoy their weekend ritual with 10-year-old son Atticus. They’re spending the first part of their day off together in their open-air, exposed brick home in Adams Morgan, speaking candidly about the delicate balance they’ve had to strike to make their partnership and life together work.

The pair have been together for 21 years and married for almost 12, and the longevity of their relationship is apparent from even a brief interaction with them. Towles speaks with frenetic energy at a rapid pace, while Arrisueño is demure and soft-spoken. They both converse with intentionality, in one accord on every piece of information they share.

Their aesthetic is similar too, and it seems by design and not forced. Arrisueño is striking in all black, a simple and chic look, and Towles exudes a monochromatic vibe with a gray-and-black checkered button-down and black jeans. Atticus is also in all black, a perfect combination of his mom and dad, with pieces of their individual personalities popping up as he opines about his “Star Wars” Legos and politely asks to enjoy a snack in his room on the third story of their home.

There’s a quiet peace to the couple, a calm resolve. Every goal is shared; every moment to look forward to holds equal weight with each of them. They embody the juxtaposition of urban, career-driven living and family-oriented values, a reminder there is no such thing as one size fits all in this life — not for partnerships, parenting, homeownership or any other aspect of navigating adulthood.

Arrisueño met Towles at the University of Maryland; Towles was her TA in sculpture class and the two formed a friendship several years before they began dating. She moved into his studio apartment in the city not too far into their relationship, and while the tight quarters were less than ideal, it was a no-brainer they’d build their careers in D.C. Her family is local and a big part of her support network, and they’ve both watched with pride as the city changed for the better over the past decade.

She says they graduated from a studio to a one-bedroom apartment to a loft — and now to their current home, which they’ve lived in for four years. The wall behind Arrisueño is lined with dozens of photos of the family: avid travelers on their many adventures.

Across the room above a leather sofa is a family portrait featuring depictions of some of Towles’ signature abstracted figures. The expansive canvas is filled with pops of turquoise, purple and gold, and at its center is a tatted-up Towles, Arrisueño sporting an asymmetrical pixie cut with her hand on a young Atticus’s head, and their then two pups rounding out the pack. A quick glance at the work of art would conjure up a feeling of déjà vu for any D.C. native familiar with his murals around the city.

Stacks of books line the brick wall and Towles’ hydroponic garden climbs high near the kitchen. Nestled on the second story is Arrisueño’s modern office space, a sanctuary for the Type A planner. Their home is warm and inviting, an extension of the atmosphere they’ve crafted after years of patiently waiting for more space for their family in one of the country’s most expensive markets.

Photo by Shaughn Cooper.

THE BARTER SYSTEM

After a quick vegetarian lunch with Atticus, Towles and Arrisueño reflect on the unconventional career paths they took together. While their professions do not intersect — with the exception of supporting one another tangentially — they both made conscious decisions to be self-made: Towles by becoming a full-time artist and Arrisueño by building her own businesses. And with that, a level of discipline was needed that does not come naturally to everyone.

“We knew we could support each other to create a lifestyle that works for us,” Arrisueño says. “It wasn’t easy, but we leaned on each other so much. We just communicated and were very open and transparent and worked together to say, ‘This is going to be a fair situation.’ Sometimes, one of us will have to step up to the plate more so the other person can…

Further their career,” Towles finishes.

“But then, we’ll make sure that…

Gets reciprocated,” he adds.

“And we still do it,” she notes.

While the couple seems to have mastered the balancing act of an equal partnership, they note the strict schedule they kept themselves on when Atticus was born.

“We literally had a barter system,” Towles says, noting domestic responsibilities like looking after their son and walking their dogs. “We would barter shifts if someone had something they had to do, like an event. If [one of us] accrued a certain amount of things, the other person would have to pay it back in that way. It was very militant. We had to do that.”

Towles has an especially interesting challenge: being pigeonholed as a free-spirited artist with an “easy” gig.

“My job is so abstract to most people. They don’t understand how an artist lives or survives, and they just think I draw silly pictures for a living.”

He’s quick to lay out the things he and Arrisueño have had to learn about running a business, and all the behind-the-scenes work and countless, around-the-clock hours spent making it happen.

“Our support system was through each other. We have friends who are artistic, but not people who worked as much as we did. We just had the conviction and knowledge of being like, ‘Nothing is going to make itself happen unless we do it.’ I love what I do. I love killing myself for this because if I didn’t do this, I would go insane. It’s not work. We have an amazing life. You just have to sacrifice a lot.”

LIFE WITH ATTICUS

Arrisueño is no stranger to the formidable foe that plagues women everywhere: mom guilt. She whittles down her mindset when Atticus was young to one word: hustle. Daily life was a game of Tetris to allow her to continue running De*Nada — which, infuriatingly but not surprisingly, people assumed she would shut down or hand off when her son was born — while prioritizing her family. It wasn’t unusual for her to fire up the laptop at 4 a.m. on most days, squeezing in as much work as she could before anyone else in the house stirred.

While some women might worry about sacrificing their identity as they enter motherhood, Arrisueño says being a mom has added to her identity.

“It is a blessing to be a mom,” she says. “But if someone wants to be a mom and then also start or continue having a career, is it possible? Yes. Is it hard? Yes. Is it going to require sacrifice? Yes.”

Nothing matters more to her than incorporating Atticus in nearly everything she and Towles do, from traveling for work and/or pleasure to shared family activities. In fact, she never spends more than two days away from her son.

“Kelly and I really lean on each other because I don’t want to be away from my son. I’ve traveled without him one time, and that was a special trip with my dad. Other than that, I travel everywhere with him. I’ve traveled to Peru, I’ve traveled to Japan, I’ve traveled to Austin — with him. I don’t want to be separated from him.”

She says Towles has made this possible for her, finding ways to join her on trade show trips to NYC or Vegas for Steadfast Supply so they can all be together. He’s particularly proud of one Vegas trip where he successfully picked up Chipotle for the family, knocked out a CVS trip and sped through the casino with a then much younger Atticus — who wanted to touch everything — narrowly avoiding a meltdown. The way he describes it sounds like crushing the final level in Super Mario Bros, and that is 100% what succeeding at the little things as a parent feels like sometimes.

On the flipside, Towles has the flexibility to create work opportunities most anywhere they want to travel.

“I can just randomly make up things. I’m going to go paint a wall in this country and find a way to do it. And if it works and I can actually make a monetary situation out of it, then what better way?”

The couple is working to instill their shared work ethic in Atticus, something they both feel strongly about. For example, their son doesn’t get an allowance.

“He gets paid hourly for doing his chores. He gets paid $15 an hour, just like anybody else would. But he’s got to work. If he doesn’t work, he doesn’t get money.”

Towles adds:

“He can’t come to us and be like, ‘Daddy, I want Legos.’

‘Cool, how much money is in your bank account?’

‘$20.’

‘Okay, you can only afford something that’s $20.’

‘No Daddy, I want this one. It’s $60.’

‘You don’t have the money.’”

And that’s just it, he says. He refuses to be fake about money — or life lessons.

“We’re going to teach him how to pay credit cards and rent. My parents never did. If I had that knowledge when I came up, I would think it was the dumbest thing I’d ever been taught. But after I’d learned and had that experience, I’d be like, ‘Ohhh.’ Teach them young — everything.”

Whether they’re seeking adventures in Japan or Costa Rica or back home in the daily grind, Arrisueño says how they show up for Atticus is the top priority. When he was younger, her schedule wasn’t something he could really process. But now, he’s old enough to understand what sacrifices she makes to be present as much as possible in his life.

“When I go to work, I want to be a really good example for Atticus. I want to be a good role model and example as a strong mother. ‘Mommy has to go to work, but Mommy is coming back home for dinner.’ That’s important to me.”

Towles recalls the diaper-changing days, where lack of sleep and constant breastfeeding were among the schedule changes they — like all parents — had to adjust to for a few years.

“If you train your body, you can do anything,” he says. “Look at Navy SEALs. They train their bodies to not breathe underwater. It’s possible.”

Arrisueño laughs, clearly pleased with her husband’s comparison of a mom to a Navy SEAL.

“We just have to constantly pivot and work together to make sure we create a lifestyle that’s good for Atticus, because he’s the number one priority in our lives,” she says. “And then also our businesses, because if we’re unable to make money, we can’t eat.”

Photo by Shaughn Cooper.

ON EQUAL FOOTING

Towles, who fondly refers to his wife as his boss, points out there’s no one telling them to do their jobs.

“There’s no boss telling me, ‘Get up, go make X, Y and Z, and do your job.’”

“Well, I do,” Arrisueño quips.

“Yeah, that’s why I call you my boss. But you don’t specifically tell me, ‘You have to get up, do this mural, write this proposal, do X, contact Bill and tell him to pay you.’ There’s no one who does that. It’s really, really amazing we get to do that. But if I don’t do it? Broke. If she doesn’t go to work and kill herself doing what she needs to do? Broke. And once you have that mentality of, ‘I’m going to hustle [for] everything,’ it changes.”

Their relationship runs like a well-oiled machine, where supporting one another comes as second nature. But like anything in life, it’s taken a considerable amount of time to get to a place where the couple trusts each other completely.

“If you want to have a good relationship, you really have to communicate,” Arrisueño says. “You have to work together. You have to really sit down and talk to each other.”

Towles stresses the importance of being an open book, sharing that his own tumultuous upbringing further solidified his resolve to be faithful and show up for his family — always.

“She can enter my emails, my Instagram — I have nothing to hide from her,” he says of Arrisueño.

“That’s how open you need to be in a relationship. That would take some people aback. Why? It’s freeing. It’s honestly the best thing ever because I have nothing to worry about. I have nothing to hide from her, she has nothing to hide from me. We don’t even need to go into each other’s phones because we just talk to each other and clearly communicate what we need, want or have to do.”

Arrisueño adds, “It wasn’t like that at the start, obviously. We just grew together. Our relationship grew. Our bond grew. We put insecurities aside and said, ‘Let’s work together. We’re on the same team.’”

Towles perks up, saying, “It’s really hard to build up that trust. But that’s what I’m saying. I’m so excited to be in this relationship, but also to be secure in knowing she has my back 1,000% and I have hers. I could order dinner and have the entire night planned without even making a phone call. I’d just figure every single thing out. I know what she hates, what she doesn’t hate. Some people don’t even know how to flush a toilet and wash their hands. It’s complicated for them. Having faith in someone else is really freeing and great, and I wish more people could have that. That would be awesome.”

He cheekily adds, “I will give advice for $25.”

They might be a stellar husband-and-wife team, but they know their limits, too. When asked if they’d ever start a business together, they both pause and wait for the other to answer.

“I’m waiting for you,” Towles says. “You can put your foot in your mouth.”

Arrisueño elaborates: “We’re so strongminded and both like to take charge at our own workplace — that, in a work environment together, may be complicated.”

Towles adds, “We’re both stubborn. We want to do our stuff and get our way and that’s how we operate every day, all our lives. It’s better to be truthful and honest with each other. Don’t force something.”

The ability to recognize who your person is and love and accept them completely, no matter what, is what makes a relationship work year after year. And it’s these little moments of normalcy, sitting at the kitchen table on a Sunday afternoon teasing one another about your quirks, that bind us all — no matter what our hustle or motivation is at the end of the day.

Arrisueño plans to bring in new brands constantly this year, creating more opportunities for locals to support small businesses across the globe. From April to September, Steadfast Supply will offer monthly pop-up and kids’ series, as well as pet-friendly events.

Towles has a snowboard coming out in Japan soon, as well as several local mural projects in the queue with D.C. United and metrobar DC. He’s also got a collaboration with local chefs in the works, with more details coming soon, and a tiki mug making its debut at U Street bar Archipelago. In late March or early April, D.C. Walls will host a smaller spring festival at RFK Stadium in partnership with Events DC and in September, the full mural festival will return in NOMA.

When Arrisueño and Towles aren’t hustling, they’re planning epic trips with Atticus including an upcoming five-day hike in Japan or exploring D.C.’s burgeoning cultural scene. Among their favorite outings are Smithsonian’s National Zoo, the National Arboretum, The REACH at the Kennedy Center, Rock Creek Park and a myriad of Smithsonian museums downtown. Towles spends his free time cultivating his green thumb with his hydroponic garden and Arrisueño is always looking for new hikes for them to go on with Sinchi. On Sundays, they grab lemonade or hot chocolate (depending on the weather) with Atticus and go on a three-mile hike that ends at their favorite farmers’ market. If they have any downtime left over, the couple can be found fawning over their little pocket of Adams Morgan for its diversity, family-friendliness and sense of community.

Follow Arrisueño at @virginia_arrisueno and Towles at @kellytowles on Instagram.

D.C. Walls: dc-walls.com // @dcwallsfestival

Steadfast Supply: 301 Tingey St. #120 SE, DC; steadfastsupplydc.com // @steadfastsupplydc

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